things not to say at your summer job: an instructional guide

as you may know, i landed my dream job this summer. working for a firm whose mission i wholeheartedly support and being paid to do so. what could be better? [maybe if it weren’t in the hottest place ever, but hey, win some, lose some.] as it turns out, i’m an idiot and my bosses both know it. not necessarily at work – i’ve gotten positive feedback about my work itself – but in the social graces department. the things coming out of my mouth are atrocious and make me want to punch myself repeatedly.

a sampling of the moronic things i’ve said over the past month:

  • when is the election? you know that big one? that’s always on the tuesday after the first monday of november? yup, that one.
  • boss 2: in 1997 when i was in college you were, what, in middle school? me, proudly: grammar school! some things, such as age, should not be rubbed in.
  • at a staff meeting after my polo trip: boss 1: how was newport? me: great! the polo match raised a lot of money for a great organization! boss 2, coughing: polo match? you flew 4000 miles for a polo match? maybe i should’ve stayed quiet about the match and just said we raised money for the homeless. oops.
  • talking about 21st birthday party stories: me: mine was a seersucker party. i have a hard time with mint juleps even today. boss 2: was this before or after you got a swirlie from the cool kids? the southwest does not appreciate the same things as the south. bastards.
  • discussing bow ties and the inability of boss 2 to tie them: me: i can show you! boss 2: another trick you learned at your all-women’s college? me: no, this is from frat party lessons at our all-male brother school! sounding like a frat ho is not necessarily the best image to project.
  • hey ma! the meatloaf! we want it now! quoting wedding crashers in casual conversation only works if everyone has seen said movie.
  • talking about the us open and graeme mcdowell: me: if he wanted to be the future mr. firecracker, i would support that. ROLL TIDE! boss 1: an SEC fan? thank goodness you’re not here in the fall. actually, i’ll stand behind this one. who cares about what’s going on in the pac 10 and big 12 when you have the SEC? lovelovelove.

i’m sure there will be more to come, which of course i’ll share immediately.

congratulations, boss-man! you hired an idiot!

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5 Comments

Filed under i am an idiot., nerd alert, prep

5 responses to “things not to say at your summer job: an instructional guide

  1. The Pac10 is a joke. I went to ASU one year, and it was the most painful season of my life. Ignoring the fact that games had to start after 7pm to avoid the crippling heat (and that it didn’t matter that the sun was down because it was still over 100 degrees out in October), the football was painful. Every single game. Pain. It was all one-two-three-kick! one-two-three-kick! And I kept wondering if anybody was ever going to tackle anyone. Ugh.

  2. Too funny. Although I have to take issue with the “PAC-10 is dumb” 😉 Granted, we don’t think much of Arizona, ha.
    The other day we were in case review and chatting about OJ (no idea why, but we’re a whole bunch of randoms, so it’s not surprising) and Boss 1 was asking if I was old enough to remember it. I did, we watched the verdict come out on TV in 4th grade – which made everybody groan (I’m the youngest in the room by at least 15 years). But then our intern walked in and she says, “Oh, I don’t know. I was born in 1994…” Nothing like a high school student to make you feel ancient!

  3. charlie

    Roll tide indeed!

    Who hasn’t seen Wedding Crashers? I call shenanigans.

  4. amie: i’m living in tempe now! holy balls is it hot. also, i’m completely confident that every other conference, at least for football, will never be able to compete with my beloved SEC.

    amanda: apologies. college football alliances are a non-negotiable for me. 😛 and it completely freaks me out that 4th graders right now weren’t even alive for Y2K. weeeeeird.

    charlie: i know, i’m just as shocked.

  5. so jealous. i wish i were back to working the summer job again. i’m studying for the bar right now and pretty much wish i were doing ANYTHING else!

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