my senior year of college was both one of the best and hardest years of my life. a full course load [including a thesis], LSAT prep, and applying for law schools combined with horse showing every weekend, partying like there was no tomorrow, and having the most amazing friends in the world made for an amazing, albeit mostly sleepless, year. i lived in an amazing suite with two of my very dearest friends, and we always had friends stopping by. i think it had something to do with this:
i loved living with those girls; it was a truly wonderful year. though we were similar in a lot of ways, when it came to relationships, we were completely different. A didn’t believe in love [broke up with a boy for daring to utter the L word after a year of dating] and was convinced that marriage was a joke. J was a more typical girl – loved rom coms and couldn’t wait for one of those endings to happen to her. me? i’m a
cynic realist and don’t have any feelings.
after graduation, things changed a bit. A went to grad school, met the man of her dreams, and has been dating him since [~2 years]. they broke up this week. J went home and started dating a boy in her circle of friends there. they got engaged this week. this has been quite the tumultuous week for the ladies of reid 109-111; A is devastated and J is pumped. where does that leave me? same place i’ve been my whole life: dating douchebags* and never giving my heart away.
it’s frustrating to see so many of my friends getting engaged and married. while i couldn’t be happier for them, i’m selfish and fear wracking my brains for a date to an upcoming nuptial.
after my most recent bout of dating a DB ended the way they always do [i get treated poorly, get disappointed, convince myself to find someone nice to date, get over it, and move on to the next DB], i really began to question my choices. i’m not sure why i continue to fall for the wrong guys – maybe i use them as a crutch to avoid having to get [gasp] emotional, maybe it’s because they’re all so damn charming and attractive [especially in the bow ties! my kingdom for a man in a bow tie!], or maybe that’s just part of my identity [hi, i’m a ginger, i love horses, SCOTUS, and dating DBs]. it’s always been okay because i don’t anticipate getting married for a looooong time. but recently it started to weigh on me. i don’t want to be alone forever and realize that at this rate, i will be. but until i figure out the problem and can change it, i’m doomed to a life of the DB.
so please, my lovely blog readers, please leave me precious little comments about how i’m wonderful and lovely and don’t need a man to complete me. or that i’ll meet someone perfect [in a bow tie!] soon. or that i’ll meet a DB [who isn’t really!] who will be a perfect match. or about how being 40 and single is so much cooler than it sounds.
le sigh. for now, you can catch me listening to dave on repeat. [thanks, FT, for bringing out the dave lover in everyone. :)]
*for the purposes of this blog, a douchebag is a man who: is swoon-worthy attractive, arrogant, has a smile to make me go weak in the knees, treats me well enough i don’t punch him in the face, but poorly enough to make the heart hurt, and is generally better than me, however you want to define that. they’re usually [but not always] southern, well-to-do, and conservative. they’re always preppy. and always trouble.