friendships, relationships, and douchebags.

my senior year of college was both one of the best and hardest years of my life. a full course load [including a thesis], LSAT prep, and applying for law schools combined with horse showing every weekend, partying like there was no tomorrow, and having the most amazing friends in the world made for an amazing, albeit mostly sleepless, year. i lived in an amazing suite with two of my very dearest friends, and we always had friends stopping by. i think it had something to do with this:

i loved living with those girls; it was a truly wonderful year. though we were similar in a lot of ways, when it came to relationships, we were completely different. A didn’t believe in love [broke up with a boy for daring to utter the L word after a year of dating] and was convinced that marriage was a joke. J was a more typical girl – loved rom coms and couldn’t wait for one of those endings to happen to her. me? i’m a cynic realist and don’t have any feelings.

after graduation, things changed a bit. A went to grad school, met the man of her dreams, and has been dating him since [~2 years]. they broke up this week. J went home and started dating a boy in her circle of friends there. they got engaged this week. this has been quite the tumultuous week for the ladies of reid 109-111; A is devastated and J is pumped. where does that leave me? same place i’ve been my whole life: dating douchebags* and never giving my heart away.

it’s frustrating to see so many of my friends getting engaged and married. while i couldn’t be happier for them, i’m selfish and fear wracking my brains for a date to an upcoming nuptial.

after my most recent bout of dating a DB ended the way they always do [i get treated poorly, get disappointed, convince myself to find someone nice to date, get over it, and move on to the next DB], i really began to question my choices. i’m not sure why i continue to fall for the wrong guys – maybe i use them as a crutch to avoid having to get [gasp] emotional, maybe it’s because they’re all so damn charming and attractive [especially in the bow ties! my kingdom for a man in a bow tie!], or maybe that’s just part of my identity [hi, i’m a ginger, i love horses, SCOTUS, and dating DBs]. it’s always been okay because i don’t anticipate getting married for a looooong time. but recently it started to weigh on me. i don’t want to be alone forever and realize that at this rate, i will be. but until i figure out the problem and can change it, i’m doomed to a life of the DB.

so please, my lovely blog readers, please leave me precious little comments about how i’m wonderful and lovely and don’t need a man to complete me. or that i’ll meet someone perfect [in a bow tie!] soon. or that i’ll meet a DB [who isn’t really!] who will be a perfect match. or about how being 40 and single is so much cooler than it sounds.

le sigh. for now, you can catch me listening to dave on repeat. [thanks, FT, for bringing out the dave lover in everyone. :)]

*for the purposes of this blog, a douchebag is a man who: is swoon-worthy attractive, arrogant, has a smile to make me go weak in the knees, treats me well enough i don’t punch him in the face, but poorly enough to make the heart hurt, and is generally better than me, however you want to define that. they’re usually [but not always] southern, well-to-do, and conservative. they’re always preppy. and always trouble.

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11 Comments

Filed under college, life

11 responses to “friendships, relationships, and douchebags.

  1. idwsj

    guys are crazy.

    girls are crazy.

    sometimes, they are crazy together.

    guys and girls are both crazy enough to think that being crazy together is being better than being crazy alone.

    i’m not sure why.

  2. Girl. Friend. I COMPLETELY feel you on this. Except I’m just not dating at all anymore because the DBs here aren’t those southern kind…they’re ACTUALLY DBs that I’m pretty sure should be arrested. Or they’re total punks. Basically, it’s a severe drought of epic proportions of any eligible bachelors whatsoever. I just don’t have patience to waste my time anymore, so I’m not dating any of them 🙂 But that does make all the engaging/marrying off a bit more bittersweet.

    And yes. BBM friends! Because I’m beginning to be pretty sure (how’s that for a way to start a sentence?) we were separated at birth. Except I’m not a ginger. But my dad was and my sister is, so I consider myself an honorary ginger.

  3. Frickin’ DBs. I had a problem with falling for such types a while ago. And by “a while ago” I mean until I started dating my husband. And if I hadn’t started dating him and married him, I’d probably still be on them. Because seriously? They’re SO pretty.

    Also, you being in Phoenix is SO not going to help your sitch. The valley is FULLLLLLL of DBs, with a higher number of DBs per capita than probably anywhere outside of Hollywood. And at least the Hollywood DBs are marginally famous.

    Last – a DB is NEVER better than you. They might be better looking (I mean, what’s the point of them if they aren’t?) but they are NEVER better than you when determined objectively or when determined subjectively on any other category than prettiness. Fact.

  4. You do not need a man to complete you. Honestly.

    I mostly think it’s all about timing. I got married crazy young. I absolutely, definitely would not “recommend” getting married this young to the general public, and it’s certainly well before the average age. I’ve had a wonderful experience, but I TRULY believe that we are in the minority. My SIL got engaged on her 22nd bday, and I called my 14-year-old BIL and had a long talk with him about how abnormal we all are to be getting married so young, that is NOT normal to graduate college engaged, and that he certainly shouldn’t consider himself a relationship failure if he didn’t find “the one” in college.

    So. You are NOT a relationship failure. And you can take heart that in the next few years, several of the couples who raced to the altar will be divorcing.

    My point is, you have tons and tons of time, and all that time is on your side. It’s time to find someone who truly treats you right, who loves you for who you are, who wants to go the same places in life as you. Don’t settle for less!

    (Also, maybe you will get lucky and they will not invite +1s to the wedding. We had such a small wedding that you had to be dating at least a year for your SO to be invited! One of my bridesmaids thanked me for not making her hunt for a date!)

  5. your know who

    My Ginja Ninja…

    I will always love you, no matter if the man you choose to be with is a prince charming or charming ass…always remember you and I have a thing that’ll last a lifetime!

    As for the douchbags…life and love are messy. I don’t think it is much easier with a bow-tied southern gentleman. I know you have all the tools, and are just waiting for th guy-after all, why should you force yourself to settle? But I don’t think it’s fair to you or the guy to go into it with the presumption that it will fail. It will at one point or the other…hopefully you will find someone whose pros outweigh their cons and just when you think it will end, you decide to hold on a little longer to see what’s around the bend. Maybe then you realize that you found the one who you can’t imagine living without. Don’t feel pressured-you have the luxury of taking your time. So what if it seems like everyone around you is getting engaged or married (I feel the same way)? You want your life to take a certain path and you can orchestrate it however you wish! You are going to be a success no matter the man on your arm!

    Be honest with me…do you truly and deeply not believe in love, or is it less-frustrating and less painful to think so?

    AND…this year will be epic-I can feel it!!!
    Love you; Miss you!!

  6. Thanks for the shout out!

    I, too, dated my fair share of douchebags and have had my heart completely broken on at least three occasions (I’m talking about heartbreaking in that you find the love of your life, you think, no, WILL yourself that you will marry this person, he pulls some dickhead move like cheating, and your world is torn upside down). I literally thought I would never get over it.

    I didn’t do what everyone else does and take “time for me.” No, I was your quintessential serial dater. I figured if I kept looking, the right one would come along eventually. He did, and I was 28. We’ve been together for almost two years.

    I read an article once that said that 90% of people who want to get married actually get married. Just keep telling yourself that and keep your eyes peeled.

    Oh, and date don’t people from law school. Law school friends = fair weather friends, at least in my experience.

  7. idwsj: true story! i hadn’t thought of it like that, interesting.

    amanda: stupid drought, i want rain! downpour (of men)!

    amie: your story brings me hope and makes my heart all happy and stuff. and you are SO right about the phoenix men. ed hardy and hipsters, everywhere i go.

    brittany: you are lovely and amazing. and my fave weddings have not had +1s and the bride and groom just sit friends together. no stress, just a blast.

    “your know who” : 1. you need a better nickname. 2. you rock. this will be a good year, i know it.

    FT: i think that’s one of the reasons i don’t get emotionally involved – i’m afraid of heartbreak. how did you and your mr. man meet? that’s really sweet. and i will NEVER date a law student. lawyer? sure, i’ve dated several. but law students are terrible, terrible people.

    and to all of you: love, schmoop, and bunnies. you guys are really amazing. 🙂

  8. atomicfireball

    Ok, way too many things to say to this (obviously).
    1. I claim dibs on you to be my date for this wedding. After the ceremony/reception, we will go celebrate with alcohol (as I’m betting there’s a 97% chance there will be none at the wedding) and be flirtatious with random men all night long.
    2. I miss that room of yours. And J punching that guy in the face.
    3. One of these days, a DB will prove you wrong.
    4. I expect all the men at your wedding to be wearing bowties
    5. Weddings lead to marriages and marriages lead to babies. Think about that one the next time you think you should be getting married
    6. You’re amazing. One day you’ll find someone who fits you perfectly and you won’t be able to spend another moment without him. But until then, all the dates you go on and DBs you meet get you one step closer to finding him. And gives you some awesome, hilariously awkward stories in the mean time (speed dating please when we’re back in New England).
    7. Guys come and go. Friends are forever (I promise I’ll never stop calling you). As long as you love you for who you are, you need nothing else in life (besides maybe a few episodes of West Wing and a lovely gin and tonic). And you’re awesome, so don’t stop loving you.
    8. I’ll leave you with the words of one Carrie Bradshaw, “maybe our girlfriends are your soulmates and guys are just something to have fun with”

    I love you so much and igettoseeyouintwodaysholycowi’msofreakingexcited

    Oh, one last thing: I found this article last night http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/meet_women/index.php
    I propose we create a list of men that all women should date at least once during our coffee date on Friday. Yes please. And of course some 1,2,3 because DC is amazing.

  9. i had to date a major DB before finding a decent guy. I mean MAJOR. The nicest thing I can say about the guy is that he was an abusive, alcoholic prick.

    But I don’t regret it… being with him led me to being with hubby and andrew.

    he’s out there… in a bow tie… you’ll find him 😉

  10. atomicfireball: you might be my favorite person in the entire universe. ❤

    jaime: oh my goodness. what a story, but what a great place you’re at now.

  11. Mrs. A-V

    I bet you wish george bush was still president now

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