my searches

many a blogger posts about the different search terms that take people to their blogs. i haven’t joined in before because, well, mine are usually dull. but i’ve been collecting some good ones lately that i simply must share.

“i’ll always be with you firecracker always”

really, creeper, really? sorry, but no. the only things that will be with me until the end of time are my love for the oxford comma, an obscene amount of law school debt, and my inability to love anything other than horses, the open road, and that which is found inside a booze bottle.

“date a law student”

what the frick is wrong with you? law students are terrible people and there’s no fat check waiting for us at graduation. do yourself a favor, date a dentist.

“why do pretty girls go out with douchebags?”

as i’m not what one would call particularly blessed in the looks department, i can’t answer that. but i can tell you why i go out with douchebags: i’m an emotional masochist. also, bowties are hot.

“smirnoff flavors”

uh let’s see: nasty, gross, and foul. i think that covers it.

“platonic friendships suck”

disagree, dear reader. you and when harry met sally are wrong on this one. dudeski/lady friendships can be the absolute best.

“why does everyone hate gingers”

because we have no soul. duh.

“if you’re gonna be incapable of loving someone, it’s like you’re missing out on life. you’re gonna grow to be a lonely old man.”

this is a quote from the hills. true story, i quoted audrina on my blog once. this means there was a point in my life when i watched the hills. and i quoted someone on my blog who has an IQ of 7. i hate myself.


mentally vacant? completely disgusted? you be the judge.

so yes. my searches kids. read em and weep.



Filed under asshole alert

7 responses to “my searches

  1. LOL! These are funny. Also, why would someone want to date a law student? Unless they are looking for that perfect absentee partner who is too stressed out to do much and who lands in a lot of debt with no job? Why not date a failed i-banker in that case? Better chance of ending up rich someday.

  2. jpryan06

    I had someone reach my blog by searching for “Andy Cohen Penis”… Seriously? I love Bravo and all and Andy is spectacular but seriously???

  3. I’m with you, I usually only get boring searches to my blog. Although, I do often get “How do I start smoking a pipe?” as a search inquiry. That one makes me laugh. I always think, “Dude, put it up to your mouth and suck it” (THAT’S WHAT HE SAID).

  4. jamie: good call on the i-banker. they’re just like us, only rich.

    jp: ew. just ew.

    fab awk: the answer to most things is “put it up to your mouth and suck it,” right? i kid, kid. sort of. bahaha that is a great search though. you could diagram a response post out.

  5. ha – these are hilarious. i wish i could get my searches to work. i wanna join this bandwagon!

  6. those are great… and you’re right about dating a law student. we make for terrible relationships. then again, lawyers aren’t much better. :p

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