today marks the first day of may of 2011.
when i was a kid, i had 5-, 10-, 15-, and 20-year plans drafted up and mapped out. all of them included me going to college, then law school, becoming fabulously wealthy and classy, becoming a senator, and retiring with a field full of horses, a house full of pictures, and a lifetime of happiness.
every step was lucid and identifiable until the translation from law school to senator. i never worried about how i was going to get there–it would work itself out. may 2011 was so far in the future, that it didn’t worry me. i never considered the cost of law school, becoming part of the lost generation, or any of the other negative–and very real–parts of life. but i knew i wanted to go into politics and i thought (and still do) that you cannot make law unless you understand the law.
and now, in the blink of an eye, i’m at the end of law school. i’m looking down the barrel of being unemployed, obscenely in debt, and without a clue as to how to accomplish the rest of my life goals. i’m moving home to take the bar; i’ll be a 24 year old unemployed spinster living in my parents’ basement. thank the good lord above i have generous parents–a luxury many do not have. but i’m absolutely mortified.
part of me wishes we had a system like the brits where you’re encouraged to take a gap year and really figure out what you want. i probably still would have gone to law school, but with a much clearer vision of my plan.
maybe all of this is why i’m so disconcerted about graduating. i had always thought it would work itself out and it hasn’t. i’ve always had a purpose and direction in life and now, for the first time, i am wandering. two exams, finishing up with my clinic clients, and twelve days are all that stand between me and my nebulous future.
one question: is the rest of life going to come–and go–so swiftly?