t minus 15 days.

the bar exam is two weeks and one day away.

i am going to fail.

i don’t say this for sympathy, i ain’t fishin’ for well wishes, i need to vent. my anxiety is at astronomical levels and i just don’t see how it is possible to learn all this material in the next 15 days.

i’m angry because this exercise is stupid. the law is not practiced in a room of thousands of anxiety-riddled attorneys. the law is not practiced in a closed-book environment. being an effective attorney does not require you to know every nuance of every field of law. i have no desire to EVER be a transactional attorney, yet here i am, studying the UCC.

i’m angry because after three years of school “worth” (i use that term loosely) six figures of debt, we have to pay another $2500 to take a class teaching us how to take the bar.

i’m angry because this a pure example of economic protectionism and is a crock of shit. lots of smart people fail, lots of stupid people pass. that is not determinative of one’s ability to be a successful advocate for a client.

i’m angry because this is the first time in my entire life i think i might fail something that i’ve prepared for. and that’s the most terrifying thought i’ve ever had. i’ve been worried about exams before but nothing prepared me for this level of fear, anger, and anxiety.

god speed fellow barzamers. i hope none of you are feeling this way (but i know some of you are). i’ll see you on the other side (maybe).

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14 Comments

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14 responses to “t minus 15 days.

  1. I’m not quite sure what to say. You know I support you and believe in you 110%. But I also know that those words don’t help right now. Know you (and all the other barzammers) are in my thoughts and I’m wishing you all the best in the world. You will get through this and I will be there cheering for you on the other side!

  2. Sarah

    Good luck with your studying! I can’t even begin to imagine the stress of studying for the bar.

    I have my “big-required-for-graduation-hellish” exam this Friday and Saturday. And despite the fact that it’s a test to become an “information professional,” we are required to memorize our sources. Because librarians are totally expected to memorize sources and not find the information on their own. And don’t even get me started on the debt being “worth” it.

    That was my long-winded way of saying that, as much as a non-law schooler/non-barzamer can, I sympathize with you. And I am sending you lots of happy, bar-passing thoughts. 🙂

  3. Oh girl. I have all kinds of faith in you. You’re so close to the finish line. So. Close.

    I think you’re absolutely justified in being angry. I get angry when I think about how law school is such an exercise in futility. Not only is the way the bar exam administered wholly irrelevant to the actual practice of law, but the three years of law school you have to take in order to be eligible to take the bar exam don’t even prepare you for it. It’s organized and sanctioned hazing, and there’s absolutely no way around it, and it sucks.

    Next summer, when I’m in your shoes, I’m gonna be one pissed off ninja.

  4. Hugs. Let yourself be angry, and frustrated, and scared. Not for long, but allow yourself an emotion break. And then get pissed and stubborn and hop back into it with fierce determination. Determination at least feels more productive than resignation. Study your ass off, and hopefully it’ll all work out for you.

  5. Jamie

    I think like everything else in law school… Just give it 100% and hope for the best. You can do it. If nothing else, you will know SO MUCH MORE than you did before. And that is something to be proud of.

  6. Here’s the thing. You’re not going to learn everything. No one can possibly memorize everything in those barbri books (and PMBR and whatever other courses you took). Like most tests you have taken throughout your life, this is just a tribute to how well you can take a test. You don’t even have to ace this one!

    Don’t freak out. Don’t do the last minute cram thing. Trust that you have prepared yourself the best you could for tomorrow morning. Go in there and know that you’re already ahead of the game – you were brave enough to show up. (Lots of people won’t) As you open your test booklet, watch and laugh as at least 6 people go running up to the bathroom to puke. You’re far better off than them too. Watch how many empty seats there are after lunch. After the end of the first day of testing. Because, trust me, people will freak out that badly and not come back.

    For the first time in your life, you are striving for mediocrity. C = ESQ And you, my dear, are anything but average. Take a deep breath, go in there and kick some ass.

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