beaten down, but not out

taking the most important test of your life and being forced to wait ten weeks for the results when you’re confident you failed? definition of misery.

but it’s over and i’m free for now, except for the stomach-turning, inside-rumbling worry that will be a constant companion until october. my plans for the next few months include a lot of sailing, applying to jobs (law and otherwise), trying to lose some weight, and otherwise avoiding my desk and laptop.

but before i get to all of that, i owe a few apologies. as it turns out, the bar is a miserable experience (shocking). and i’ve been a raging, evil, awful human being for the past two months. so horrendous i’ve made victoria beckham look like mother teresa. no bueno.

the problem is that i’m already a hateful asshole anyway, so i’m starting at a higher level of heinous than most. add to that the fact that i’m a redhead with a short fuse, coupled with the fact that i was PMSing (of course), and the barzam fury tornado (kind of like the sneaky hate spiral) was just the cherry on top.

with that said, apologies to the following:

  • my friends and family. goodness, i don’t deserve such supportive people.
  • twitter followers who had to hear me bitch constantly.
  • the bar examiners whose violent ends i envisioned many times (i didn’t mean it–i want you all to live out long and lovely lives. but could you please make this process a little less miserable?).
but, i ain’t apologizing to everyone. some buttheads made the process worse. people i do not apologize to: 
  • anyone who called it “just a test.” yeah, and the internet is a passing fad.
  • anyone who hasn’t taken it but still feels compelled to offer advice. no, it’s nothing like the LSAT. it’s not like your chem 1o1 final. it’s not like your eharmony profile test. i appreciate that you want to help and that you’ve taken difficult exams before. but this beast is entirely its own and a simple, heartfelt “i have faith in you” is more appropriate and much appreciated.
so now that it’s over and there are a few weeks of summer left, time to kick back with some books, some beers, some boats, and relax. happy weekend all. and i really am sorry.


Filed under asshole alert, barzam

10 responses to “beaten down, but not out

  1. Jamie

    You crack me the heck up. I’m glad it’s over. Well done. xo

  2. Jaime

    No one ever needs to apologize for how they got through the bar exam! And, if it makes you feel better, everyone thinks they failed. If anyone feels good about how well they did, they’re the ones who failed.

    I probably told you it’s just a test a few times… But I can say it because I took three of them 😉

  3. Anyone who compares it to another test = watch out i will hurt you! haha

  4. I kinda hate everyone these days, too. Also, I have a friend who’s a sometime bar-examiner. She can be kind of an asshole, too.

    Want some bourbon? I just poured.


  5. What are you going to do with your blog now that law school is over? I am trying to figure out what to do with mine..

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