you’re doing the internet wrong.


like many of my generation, i spend a lot of time on the internet. getting news, reading blogs, doing twitter, and otherwise interacting with friends spread to all corners of the world. i see lots of things i like, things that add joy to my life. i also see a lot of bullshit and things that increase my hatred for society tenfold.

if any of these describe your internet actions, you’re doing the internet wrong.

  • you update your facebook more than once per day. that’s what twitter is for.
  • your tweets are all about you. i know the internet is about being self-involved, but if you’re not engaging with other people or talking about more than what you ate for breakfast, chances are i’ll unfollow you soon.
  • you don’t reply to your mentions. there are some people i follow for pure entertainment purposes (eg chrissy teigen–girlfriend is hilarious, you should follow her immediately) who i don’t expect to reply. but the others i follow are for interaction. if we follow each other and talk about the same things, i probably enjoy the interaction. and if you don’t reply to several of my directed tweets in a row, why are you following me?
  • you don’t thank people. channel your inner emily post. if something great happens to you and you tweet/FB to spread the news, i’ll probably share your joy and offer my congratulations. when someone says congrats, say thank you. it’s simple. and you don’t even have to individually thank everyone. just one post that says “i appreciate the well wishes, thanks.” without it, you come off as incredibly ungrateful.
  • you apologize for not blogging for a while. while i read your blog because i enjoy it, you’re not doing me a favor by posting. a lack of posts just means life is going on. there is nothing to apologize for.
  • you truncate your blog posts. dicey topic, i know, but if your RSS feed provides only an excerpt, chances are VERY low i will click through. i use reader because i like to go to one place to read blogs. i don’t like to see you’ve posted and then be forced to go to another site to read it. what that says to me is you care more about making money from your blog than you do your readers, and that doesn’t sit well.
  • you complain incessantly. whether it’s about how it’s monday and you’re tired, or you don’t like your job, or you’re SOOO hungover, please just stop. a complaint here and there is human. but when it happens 24/7, you’ve become debbie downer. and no one likes non-SNL debbie.
  • you’re a typo machine. i’m not perfect and i don’t care if you’re perfect, but i do care if your material is so typo-laden to be nearly unreadable. you’re writing things for people to read. make it readable!
  • you are offended by everything. there are many things to be offended by in this world. gross inequity, racism, the prevalence of misogyny in the 21st century. but if you are offended by every little thing that comes across your screen, you suck. i’m looking at you, people offended by everything on twitter, every joke you hear, every meme you see. take life a little more lightly and just calm the F down.
if you disagree with me, that’s fine, it’s your prerogative. just know i’ll probably unsubscribe from your blog or unfollow you on twitter.
did i miss anything, fellow interneters?


Filed under asshole alert, internetz

3 responses to “you’re doing the internet wrong.

  1. This is one of the best things I’ve ever read. Totally comprehensive in that I can’t think of anything to add, and I ALWAYS have extra reasons to hate people.

  2. That was pretty good. And I’m sure I’m guilty of some of those things myself. But a couple more wouldn’t hurt:

    no posting pictures of your meal, unless wolfgang puck (or some other famous chef) personally prepared it for you and then is going to feed it to you afterwards.

    no showing pictures of your injuries/ailments – just see a freaking doctor.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s