bourbon makes me exclamation pointy

yesterday’s results do not come as a surprise to me. i suppose that’s not entirely truthful–i did not expect we’d have the results last night. but i did expect that president obama would be reelected. when your best candidate is as thrilling as lukewarm chicken broth, you can’t honestly expect a win, can you? combine mr. bland with an improving economy (albeit at the rate cold molasses flows), a genuinely likable opponent, and visible members of your party who are hellbent on being as stupid as fucking possible, you can’t honestly expect any other result, can you? hope, yes; expect, no.

am i disappointed? yes, but that comes with the territory of being a libertarian.

i’m also hopeful. gay marriage ballot initiatives passed in four states yesterday! equal rights should not be offered to the public for a vote, but here we are. marijuana was legalized in two states yesterday! hopefully we can honestly address the calamity that is the war on drugs. our immigration system in this country is fucked up beyond words. maybe the president will stop treating it like a political third rail (like every other politician ever) and actually reform it. these are all things that can be fixed if we stop with the party idolatry, if we go beyond our parties and address problems this country’s “leadership” is trying to ignore. there are other problems that need to be addressed, namely the massive unfunded liabilities that are about to crush us fiscally, but i don’t really see a bipartisan way to fix that and doubt we’ll address it until it actually does crush us.

but! republicans! my once (and maybe future (but probably not)) party! i have a fail-safe solution for you! i call it the GINGER PLAN OF AWESOME. follow it and you won’t colossally embarrass yourselves in 2016! follow it and find that all of your problems will disappear! (or transform into different ones, but that’s beside the point.) follow it and be as awesome as me!

step 1! stop defending the indefensible. stop with the automatic defense of complete fucktards just because they have an (R) next to their names. if they say something stupid, shame and abandon them. 

step 2! for fuck’s sake, it’s time for a seachange on social issues. when you say you want smaller government, behave as though you do. don’t impose your beliefs on others. don’t talk about federalism one minute and then decry a gay marriage initiative the next. remember that distinction between positive and negative rights? return to it.

step 3! embrace change. i’m not talking about diversity for the sake of diversity, but the groupthink that has entrenched the RNC is crippling the party. listen to someone other than karl rove. nikki haley has some great stuff to say. so does condi. listen to them.

step 4! develop new talent. no more bushes, no more candidates who lost the primary in the previous cycle (i swear to all that is holy that if santorum is the 2016 candidate i will donate every free penny i have to the democrats). there are some pretty cool republicans out there who view the world through a different prism–find them. more huntsman, less perry.

step 5! stop with the blame. a mark of maturity is accepting responsibility for your actions. this isn’t because of that gol’ darned liberal media. if you think you have a media problem, then improve your media strategy. this isn’t because of the 1,139,562 people who voted for gary johnson (as of 7:37pm MST wednesday) (i am the 1%!). this is because you lost the game.

step 6! me!




Filed under politics

8 responses to “bourbon makes me exclamation pointy

  1. This is solid advice. Too bad the GOP will probably double down on the crazy.

    Huntsman would’ve made an excellent nominee.

  2. I love ALL Ginger Plans of Awesome, including, but not limited to, this one. BOURBON.

  3. LMC

    was that really you? such a cute baby. 😉

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