Category Archives: 2012


wow, what a year.

imagine, if you will, that said in a similar manner to marv merchants:


for me, 2012 was an unimaginable year. if you had asked me last december what i thought would come my way this year, i wouldn’t in a million years have suggested anything resembling what this year turned out to be.

so i’m sitting there in june, doing a job i did not much like in colorado.  it paid well, but i was living with my parents, suffering through a benefit-less doc review hell hole, and i was so damn bored (lowlight: i once took a problem to my supervisor and was told that i wasn’t paid to think. FOR REAL). i felt like i was stuck in neutral.  i had applied for a fellowship in 2011, but was starting to worry it wouldn’t pan out and i’d be neutral forever. but then, one wednesday afternoon in late june, i got the email of my dreams, things came together quickly, and i moved to arizona in july for my new adventure! my job has been a million times better than i’d ever expected. i spend all day, every day doing what i love and work i believe in. in addition to learning all kinds of lawyerly things (discovery! deposition techniques! motion practice! dropping em dashes everydamnwhere!), i’ve also learned that if you don’t want to lose someone’s attention, you tell them you do first amendment law rather than campaign finance. my job’s taken me to mississippi, florida, DC, and bunch of random airports in between. to say it’s been a dream come true is an understatement (though not all peaches–protip: don’t move to arizona in july. holy damned hell).

in april i decided to change my life in a big way. i lost 45 pounds and have managed to stay within a 5 pound range for the last 4 months. that’s been fun. i also went from running 0 to running 15 miles a week and back to 0 (oops). hoping to get back to running in 2013.

moreover, i found out that my long-held skepticism (or rather, rejection) of love is dissipating, to say the least. my heart–the organ i thought to exist only to pump blood–actually serves an emotional purpose. turns out, i’m really bad at dealing with my feelings (26 years of shoving feelings down by any means necessary has left me incapable of handling stuff), but that doesn’t mean the feelings are insignificant. wish i could tell yall more, but c’est la vie.

truth be told, i’m afraid of 2013. i’m afraid that after such a spectacular 2012, it’ll be impossible to improve on–or even maintain–and next year will be a letdown. i’m afraid that once my fellowship is over, i’ll go back to a shitty job that leaves me unfulfilled.  i’m afraid that my heart will return to the charcoaly little brick it’s been forever.

so now i’m sitting here on new year’s eve, on my couch, with a glass of malbec and streaming white collar (current addiction) on netflix. there’s nowhere else i’d rather be (that’s a lie, but this is a damn fine runner up). cheers to you all to a happy new year and a wonderful 2013.


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this week

i used to love politics. it was a simpler time in my life: there was a right and a wrong and i voted for the guys who were right most of the time, even if i had a few misgivings. and now? i’ve evolved. i hate the current state of politics, i hate both parties, i hate all of it.

tuesday i’m voting for gary johnson. it’s not a protest vote. it’s not a wasted vote. rather, it’s a vote i believe in. why?

  • i want a smaller government: diminish entitlement programs and lessen defense spending.
  • i believe in civil liberties: personal freedom and privacy are glorious things; drone strikes on american citizens are obscene. 
  • i believe in equality: if the government is going to recognize marriage (which i don’t believe they should, but that’s a post for another time), they must recognize it equally. i don’t like referring to “gay marriage” as though it’s something different. marriage is marriage. also? DOMA is the biggest piece of unconstitutional garbage on our books right now.
  • i believe in free choice, not coercion.

gary johnson clearly isn’t going to win on tuesday (i think president obama will). so why, in the words of nick gillespie, am i voting for him, “knowing that he’s a bigger lost cause than the chicago cubs winning the world series, the gilmore girls movie getting made, and the release of dr. dre’s detox put together”? because i want to send a message to the parties that they need to make some fundamental changes. because i want to be able to look myself in the mirror wednesday morning. because i want to live free.

gary johnson 2012.

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life update

so hi. it’s been a while. i’ve been tweeting but not blogging. all the more reason to follow me on twitter. UPDATES:

i got a new job. and not just any job, but my dream job–the one which i imagined when envisioning my perfect life. i’m doing a one year fellowship, so it’s not a permanent job, but it is giving me a foot in the door into the life i want. i’m a lawyer at a non-profit and work on cases i deeply believe in. i work with some of the most passionate and skilled people i’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and i’m learning a TON. it’s insanely humbling, too. yanno how people say law school doesn’t prepare you to practice? HUGE FUCKING UNDERSTATEMENT. if anyone has any suggestions for a good book or other resource that’ll help bridge the gap, please let me know.

i moved. i now live in a crazy ass state where it’s hot all the time, which has been a huge adjustment. but my apartment is super cute and not living with my parents anymore is glorious,the stuff about which angels sing.

i lost 39 pounds. i more or less gave up eating carbs at the end of april. i still have a ways to go, but i feel so much better. problem: none of my clothes fit anymore. i was at a deposition last week and my skirt almost fell off when i bent over to grab some papers. please take me seriously, state attorney, as my clothes fall off in the middle of your conference room. ewps. i took a suit to a new-to-me tailor yesterday and he was hilarious. “why don’t you buy clothes that fit?” “they fit when i bought them.” “oh, so you were fat. but not anymore! good job.” well played, little old man, well played.

i’m still insanely in love with window seats on a flight. it’s where i do my best soul-searching. two days after i moved, i flew to DC for work. it was then that things finally felt real. the past year has been really challenging and to finally have things headed in the right direction is overwhelming. so i was the crazy person weeping while being glued to the window.

that’s about it. i hope you all are and have been well. i’d like to think i’ll blog more, but i suppose we’ll see.

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monday musings

because alliteration is fun, no?

  • along with my life plan to make the most of it, i’m trying to not be totally miserable while unemployed. one way: constant use of my local library. they have a fairly good sized digital library to download to kindle/ipads, which is convenient, but nothing beats the actual library. they have about 10 different buildings and you can request books from other libraries that they deliver to whichever location you like. i’ve been reading lots of great books (and feeling no guilt of not finishing a shitty book) and listening to a ton of music. libraries are awesome.
  • this past weekend i was at the broadmoor (which, btw, is beyond spectacular!) and had an amazing time. one of my favorite things about staying at fancy hotels is seeing what bath products they have. the broadmoor has molton brown, which is amazing. i was first introduced to it at the jefferson a few years ago and it’s as awesome as ever. unfortunately, it retails at $28 for 10 oz, which is a bit steep for this kid. so i stock up whenever i find it at a hotel and my hair smells awesome right now.
  • a while back, lifehacker suggested flossing in the shower. since i’m bad at flossing (shame shame i know), i thought it might be worth trying. well, i love it. i love showering (seriously, i would spend an hour a day in the shower if possible), so this gives me a reason to spend an extra few minutes in there and my gums are happier! woot!
  • the current republican party is mortifying. the economy is in shambles and, if they were strategic, could wallop the president in the elections this fall. but instead they’re all a bunch of damn morons who prefer to focus on birth control (oh hey 1965) than unemployment. they’re absolute idiots and barring any unforeseen and huge issue, the candidate will lose in november. also? more goldwater, less (historically inaccurate) reagan.
  • recently i’ve developed an obsession with house hunters. no clue where this came from, but it’s really fun watching, making my choice, and then yelling at the family for picking the worst house.
  • last week netflix suggested a movie–margin call–that was unfamiliar to me, but sounded great so i added it to my queue. it was an excellent movie; an indie with an ensemble cast with lots of famous actors about the 2008 financial crisis. it was really well done, i highly suggest it.
  • good luck to everyone taking the barzam this week. i wish you all the best.


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